I am running for President

After careful consideration, I have decided to run for President.  I am prompted to do so by a new development in my life that establishes me as being presidential.  Last week I started a new round of cancer treatment involving pembrolizumab which is the same stuff they gave to Jimmy Carter that cured his brain melanoma.  Therefore, regardless of what you thought of Carter, he actually was a President, so since the drug was given to him I conclude I can now consider myself presidential by association.  As a plus, it may do something to improve my brain. 

The drug is one of those new-ultra-trendy concoctions that boosts your immune system so it can detect and destroy the microscopic melanoma cells that are running around inside me and not visible on CT or PET scans.  While there are numerous side effects, my doctor says my hair will not fall out this time so I will not look like Florida Governor Rick Scott in photo ops.

  

Another reason for my Presidential bid is the slogan I came up with:  “One of the other contenders with the ridiculous hair could be even worse that me!”  It’s not very catchy but it is reassuring.

 

Now that my presidentiality has been established, I am sure you are curious about some of my other qualifications.  I know I can get along with Congress because two years ago I made a great deal on a used car so nobody can say they wheel and deal better than me.  When it comes to foreign policy, I lived in Europe for 15 years, I speak Italian and I make a fantastic spaghetti alla carbonara.  I’ll challenge both Trump and Hillary to a carbonara cook off any day.

I can eliminate the immigration problem by simply stop using the term “illegal immigrants” as justification for deporting 11,000,000 people.  We’ll just call them “long term de facto non-native born residents,” then they will not sound so sinister.  I will also propose building a wall around Donald Trump which I am sure I can get Mexico to pay for.

I will be announcing more policy statements in the coming days I just wanted you to know that I am officially running for President.  I hope I can count on your vote.